I don't know where will I get my motivation to carry on .
I don't know how am I going to handle all these alone .
I don't know what to do in order to change their minds .
I don't know who can I share all these fucked up emotions to .
I don't know when am I able to finally face the truth .
I don't know why am I so stupid as to think of running away each time
Its over , game over . No more cards to give or play .
I had a whole year to reflect and to prove my worth but I merely used it on playing a fool and showing how incapable I was of handling such matters. I only showed them how worthless I was and that I am unable to cope under such situations.
I'm losing every single glimpse of hope as each day passes by. I dread the sight of homework and detest the fact that I have to be away from my laptop for the whole holiday. But honestly, who else is to be blame other than myself. Had I done better, all this wouldn't have happened and I could actually be enjoying whatever time I have right now.
I pushed everything to the last minute, not realizing it will lead me no where. I focused on something not important more than something I was supposed to pay more attention to, and this is results in my current situation. I don't regret spending all my time away doing what I enjoy most, but I deeply regret the fact that I had not set my priorities to do whatever I was supposed to. I gave away every single chance I had left.
Left with no other option, I have to devote myself to learning during this period of time where other people would be having fun playing while I bury myself in books. Being observed closely as I take every step or inhale any air. Well , that's what I asked for I guess. Why am I doing so much , some may say. Well , solely for the thing that I enjoy doing.
What else can I do .
My love is in jeopardy, I have to do something about it .
