" I want to be a psychologist " .
Maybe I should just drop this unrealistic dream and just become a sweeper. I, myself being such a useless person intends to counsel other people ? Naive .
First time in my life have I felt inflicting physical damage onto myself was such a wonderful sensation . Sick in the mind , I must be. As each scratch went through my skin, it felt as though I was being splashed by a bucket of water on a humid day. It was very refreshing and the sharp stings that pierced through my skin was just so enlightening .
I studied , according to whatever I was supposed to do every single day without fail . Even if I fail to fulfill whatever I was supposed to do, I would study later in the night to make up to it. In the end , what I did was not only neglected, it meant nothing to that person. To that person, it was just a mere act to simply fulfill her expectations of me. How can I ever convince you that I really did whatever I was supposed to, and I did it with all my heart. We lack communication and trust and no , volleyball doesn't mean everything to me. Day by day, you threaten me with the same damn thing , and that's the fucking thing that gives me a drive to push myself further to study more. I can tell you straight in your fucking face that I did learn from this whole holiday. Just because you are too busy to notice me, doesn't give you the right to assume whether I have done what I was supposed to. I earnestly believe that I know whatever I am doing better than you.
Your words stung me. As soon as you told me that I can tell my teachers that I spent the whole damn holiday watching television and sleeping away , I couldn't control myself from feeling the frustration and it got the better of me and the feeling that I detested most came back to me. It, once again felt like my heart was heavy , and my heart was forcing tears out of my eyes although I was very reluctant to lose to my emotions. I guess I'm letting my emotions get the better of me and that's not a good thing .
Thinking back , this should be a lowest point in my life so far . I lost everything I had . I lost confidence in myself , I lost someone I really enjoyed pouring everything out to , I lost any chance of getting into the team and I lost trust from the people who are supposed to trust me till the very end. I lost every single thing . The only thing I gained, was support from teammates . Tch , Debbie you're such a worthless fool.
